Avoiding Holiday Stress

When I was growing up, Christmas was always the most magical time of the year.   As a Swedish immigrant family, we followed the tradition of having our main celebration on Christmas Eve.  In preparation my mother baked coffee cake and seven or eight types of Christmas cookies.  She made Swedish potato sausage from scratch, while my father spent several days chopping onions, squeezing lemons, and deboning herring in preparation for his yearly contribution to the Christmas festivities, his own special pickled herring. This he prepared for our own celebration as well as for gifts for bank tellers, grocery clerks, and a variety of people he encountered throughout the year.  It was a tradition everyone loved.

On our door hung a wreath made of pine boughs and holly.  More greenery and candles adorned the mantle, while the meaning of Christmas, the birth of the Christ child, was portrayed in a nativity scene on the buffet in the dining room.  Under the lighted tree miniature figures formed a small village on the white cotton snow.

On Christmas Eve the relatives all came with their bags of wrapped presents which were added to those gifts already under the tree. With typical childhood avarice we children waited for all the food to be eaten and the inevitable dishwashing to be accomplished so that we could finally open these mysterious packages. Duplicating such a childhood Christmas would be a hard act for anyone to follow. Today, with the demands of blended families trying to have two or three separate celebrations in one day, it is even harder, until Christmas and, indeed, any holiday can become a negative experience instead of the joyous time it is meant to be.

Choosing some different ways of doing things is the key for survival. Choice means taking control over the stress and chaos of unrealistic demands and expectations, even those which are self imposed by our own desires or sense of guilt. The following are some suggestions on how to cope more effectively and even enjoy the holidays.

1. Declare your boundaries, politely but firmly. Try not to go to multiple events in one day or maybe even in one weekend. Don’t over explain. People in general will not understand the word “tired” beyond their own experiences.  Most of the time it is probably wise to simply say, “I am unable to come, but I appreciate your invitation,” rather than, “I’m too tired.”
2. Don’t compare yourself with others. Accept your limitations without blaming or hating yourself. Also realize that those people you know who seem to be able to do it all aren’t always doing as well as they appear. In my counseling office I see people whose personal life may be falling apart while they rush around to all the activities of the season.
3. For many of us, buying and wrapping presents are the final stressers that feel like just too much. Shopping early, using home shopping on TV or the Internet, wrapping ahead of time, using bags rather than wrapping paper, and getting help from a teenager or friend are all ways to relieve some of the stress.
4. If the stress is greater than usual, like an illness or other family or business demands, cut down on your decorating demands. Choose a favorite decoration rather than decorating your entire house, inside and out. Focus on a tree and wreath or create a Christmas village scene. Save some things for another year. If you alternate decorations rather than using them all at one time, the stress will be less and the change will add variety to other Christmases.
5. Think of simple ways to entertain, like dessert instead of a full dinner or take in food from a deli arranged attractively on festive dishes. Be more casual and serve buffet. Let people help you serve and cleanup. And above all, plan ahead by freezing foods instead of cooking at the last minute.
6. Develop your own secrets to simplify entertaining. If you serve a full meal, focus on one special entrée and simplify the rest. Aim for simple elegance. For example, if you want to make a complicated dish like homemade bread or a special casserole, do it ahead of time and freeze it. Then serve it with a simple frozen vegetable or green salad.
7. Create a favorite dish which is easy to make but impressive in looks and taste. Use it often as something you can count on. One time when I was trying to blend simplicity with elegance, I made a dessert I called Berry Swirl. I simply put alternate layers of vanilla ice cream, whipped cream, and raspberries in parfait glasses, topping them with a dollop of whipped cream and a berry and adding a teaspoon of berry juice on the top so it could drip down. Then I put the glasses in the freezer until twenty minutes before serving. The first time I used this dessert one of the best, most energetic cooks I know fell in love with it and asked for the recipe for my “mousse.” It was an awkward moment!
8. Try creative ways to entertain which do the work for you.  Let each guest bring a dish, but organize their choices so there will be variety. Or have a Christmas tree decorating party and serve dessert. A similar plan can work with a Christmas card writing party if you like company in writing your Christmas cards. Use card tables and have everyone bring their cards, writing materials, and a finger food snack for everyone else. Keep it small though.
9. Maintain better nutrition as stress increases. Protein snacks, fresh vegetables and fruits, combined with less sugar and fats, can help in maintaining your energy level during the holidays. And don’t forget to keep hydrated.
10. Plan your rest time as much as your activities. Space your events so that active days are followed by those which have less demands. Do something inspirational. Spend some time with a good friend. Listen to Handel’s Messiah while you enjoy the lights on your tree and sip some eggnog.

For those who experienced Christmas as a time of pure joy in childhood, adult holidays may seem unable to compete. In contrast, past memories may evoke feelings of loneliness for what was.

Yet for those who never had happy holidays in their past, occasions like Christmas, Hanukah and even birthdays may bring feelings of sadness over what never was or what might have been. In essence, holidays like Christmas can then be a trigger for Christmas depression.

Whether we are haunted by what used to be or by what never was, once we learn to make some practical changes to reduce holiday stress, then the way to having a happier holiday is to cut the old tapes of the past and focus forward.

The year that Christmas was only a reminder of a fatal car accident which had recently taken my mother’s life and changed my own life forever, my survival at Christmas was greatly helped by trying to provide a Christmas for some foster children rather than seeking much pleasure for myself. I had to leave the past and go on. And it worked. I gave myself a break from all the “Ho! Ho! Ho!” aspects of traditional holiday celebration. I made sure I got enough rest. Then for several hours on Christmas day I forgot about me and focused on them. Before I knew it, Christmas was over and something good had happened after all. I gave a little to a few deprived and abused kids and got so much more back in terms of healing. Sometimes we do more by doing less. Don’t be afraid to say “No” to exhausting demands, and choose to celebrate the season in whatever unique way is right for you this year. You may actually have the merriest Christmas of all as a result of not trying so hard to make it “perfect.” Above all, put God back as the focus of your Christmas and remember once again what the season is really all about.